I want to keep my secret affair. Forever.
The funny thing is, I do more with my secret lover than I do with my spouse because our time together is so precious. Everything we do has to be condensed so we can make the most of our stolen moments. We need to return to our lives as though nothing had ever happened. There is little chit chat before the lovemaking but there are tonnes of it afterwards. And the sex is so good. There is so much more freedom in my secret affair.
This is not how my wife and I work.
Of course, no one is surprised by a guy stepping out. It’s kind of expected with men. Women call men dogs and such but let me tell you, she is someone’s wife. She’s stepping out too. I’m only half of this story. She’s professional lady. She has children and a life not unlike mine. I don’t consider myself to be a dog nor does she feel as though she’s a slut. I hate that word anyway. SLUT is such a slutty, derogatory word. My lover shows me kindness. She puts a smile on my face. That does NOT deserve a derogatory comment at all. I put a smile on her face too. That doesn’t deserve negative spin either. It’s a special and very sweet arrangement we have.
Most people wouldn’t understand or accept this arrangement in their life. That’s why this is a secret affair. They’d say it’d be more logical to leave our spouses and take up with our lover… but that’s not going to happen. We love our spouses, we just don’t like our marriage’s weakened romance and can’t change it.
There are reasons why we found ourselves in this secret affair. They are good reasons. Nobody plans to get in a rut. It just happens.
We both needed something more from life. Our spouses gave little. Our domestic routines became a turnoff. And it wasn’t kinky sex we wanted, we’re quite vanilla in that respect, it’s just that we wanted to feel special again. We wanted to explore without conditions or complications. It’s not supposed to be about who did the dishes last night or who puts the children to bed more often. Our secret relationship erases all that. There’s no one whining or checking the chores off like a laundry list before slipping under the sheets. There are no outside pressures when we connect and, like I said, we make good quality wholesome love every single time. We feel like kids without a care in the world.
Would I tolerate this behaviour from my wife if she was the one stepping out?
I don’t know. Ten years ago I’d have freaked out right away. Now I’m not so sure. Having been in a position to make some very important choices about this myself, I’d like to think I’d have some sort of respectful maturity if the topic was ever broached. I’d talk to her about her needs and see where that went to.
Yes, we’ve had counselling, four years of it. That’s why the secret affair was installed. My wife is asexual but doesn’t know it. If she never had sex again that would be fine for her. That’s not fine for me. I’ve got more to give than that. I do love her dearly but I need more. I want to feel needed. I want to touch and be touched. It’s one way I communicate.
And then six women mysteriously died. It was all over the news. I thought I knew one of them. She was murdered in my old neighbourhood. That’s what piqued my attention… but she didn’t look like anyone I knew. My wife said I was being silly and turned the TV off. She hates it when I talk about my past, especially if there’s a another female involved.
I wrote about my secret affair and these murdered women and turned it into a book. I called it fiction but that was only done to disguise facts. No one would believe it was a real story anyway. It’s less complicated for it to sit on a shelf of make-believe. No one would want to know that there are sleeper-killers out there in the suburbs just waiting to be wake and take a life. That’s just madness.