Don’t laugh. If you’re living in a sexless marriage and you’re the partner suffering from not getting any, it’s possible you’ve found yourself an asexual mate and don’t know it… and they aren’t aware of it either!
Read closely for more:
First, let’s get some numbers on the table. A sexless marriage is defined as one having sex less than ten times a year.
Around 1% of the population is said to be asexual. That’s about the same as gay and lesbian statistics. Asexuality means, in general terms, no sex.
An asexual person doesn’t require sex or seek any of those lovely sensations allosexuals (those who enjoy coitus) get when being with another person. They simply have no need for sex. Period.
Sexless Marriage and Closeted Asexuals.
Closeted asexuals (like closeted gays or lesbians) often refuse to acknowledge their sexuality. They fear it. They fear judgement – the thoughts of others and themselves. The fear of not being normal or accepted is shared by many humans for all reasons. Sex is a powerful subject to keep hidden from everyone.
Asexuals want relationships too. Sex is automatically included in them, right?
The assumption is that sex will simply fit-in because that’s how it’s supposed to work. There’s a good feeling experienced during the early days of a relationship. It’s easy to confuse the excitement of having a partner to share a life with with the other emotions felt during a sexual encounter. There is a similar sense of happiness but it comes from two completely different sources. The couple wed and never know that one seeks companionship while the other seeks a mate.
A sexless marriage may simply be the result of one person coming to terms with their body’s natural desire not to want coitus. In time, sexual offerings disappear entirely and this is when the differences in a couple’s physical intimacy presents itself.
Asexuality is not a disease to be cured. You can’t repair what’s not broken. The issue is never with with just one half of the couple anyway. It’s about the differences of the individuals within it.
What to do if you’re in a sexless marriage.
Open discussion should be the first port of call. A marriage counsellor will help encourage a balanced, civilised meeting-of-minds. If you’ve been at each other’s throats, they’ll help steer the conversation. It’s then important to keep an open mind to all the options when finding a solution. Remember: You’re half the problem, not the whole. Don’t blame your spouse. Blame isn’t helpful. Acceptance and tolerance is encouraged.
Asexual sexless marriage and children.
You’d think children wouldn’t be a product of a sexless marriage but they are often the result of two people trying to prove something. Again, intimacy is sacrificed over pride. Presenting a facade of normalcy takes precedence. If you’re unsure of how you feel before trying for children, seek professional help.
–Michael Forman (Author of SEETHINGS)
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