Sexless relationship? Is your partner simply playing hard to get or are they asexual?
Just like gay, lesbian… and all the other variants in human sexuality, asexuality can hide in a closet awaiting to be discovered by wisdom-driven life experiences. Your sexless relationship may not be a product of routine or boredom. You or your partner may be asexually inclined!
Sexless Relationship: The Asexuality Link.
The girl/boy cliche that always ends in happily ever after (sex assumed too) isn’t a good relationship model at all. Some of us (many actually) don’t line up to lie down for any ideal. That goes for those ideals imagined by our partner and those we see in them.
The fact is, sex, touch and libido are personal things. Some of us like this, some like that. Attraction, sexual frequency and differing preferences in the bedroom can make forever after a little rocky. The road to paradise is made even more challenging when asexuality moves in to block it.
About one percent of the population is said to be asexual. That’s about the same as all the other non-heterosexual types. It’s regularly overlooked because there’s a general understanding that we are all attracted to someone. Sex is assumed. If it’s not working then blame goes towards the partner or a method of lovemaking, work, children, exhaustion.
Sex is NOT for everyone and this should be a real consideration – for both parties. It’s not an illness. It’s not a fad. Asexuality is just a sexuality type. [There is a lot more detailed information about asexuality on this specialist asexuality website ]
And it’s not about not having good sex. It’s not about not having a caring and sensitive partner. It’s not about the partner at all. They just happen to suffer when nothing else seems to make sense.
An asexual requires nil sex. That’s all it is, nothing more.
If you’re the partner to an asexual then this is great news. Your sexless relationship isn’t your fault. You’re not the cause. You’ve simply tried to live a normal life and asexuality has caught up with your other half.
If you’re the asexual, you’ve a long road ahead… and so has your partner. What you do with this new knowledge will determine whether your sexless relationship will remain as it is or moves ahead.
Pride, bone headedness and religious tradition often blocks our pathway to new understandings.
If you’re having therapy for a sexless relationship, bring up the topic of asexuality with your counsellor. If they dismiss your concerns, stick to your guns. Relationship counsellors live in the same crazy society we do. It’s easy for them to hold onto tradition too.
Remember: It wasn’t too long ago we didn’t accept same-sex lifestyles. Now we have those and many more.
Asexuality is real. Sexless relationships and asexuality are often tied together. The question you’re probably asking is: How would I know for sure or how come I didn’t know?
The site link I provided earlier will provide clues – although don’t expect one-word answers. Readers need to judge using all the advice. The info is revised quite often. Checking in every so often helps.
I wrote a novel on a sexless relationship, turning it into a psychological thriller with neo-noir overtones. It follows a couple who haven’t yet broken down the heterosexual stereotypes. Hanging onto tradition and old-world beliefs almost kills their marriage. Enjoy reading it today!
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